Well today is a rainy day in NYC. And in that regard, I can say things are clearing up in my life. Post my birthday I have been in party go-mode. While that is all fun and good, I have realized that rest is needed on a large scale level. Pause~ I know it should be obvious why but really I need to take a rest. Play~ So no dates, no cultural outings this week just me and my bed post work.
But other than that I have been slowly coming out of a fog. I don't know exactly where/when the fog arrived but it did. I have become less focused as I once was. Like bills are paid etc but I have been like sitting back and letting things happen. So this week we are taking back control. I need to get back on a very diligent timeline for all things (bills, school, work, etc.). And then most importantly, I need to get back on track with the whole therapy thing. I let some things come in front of that and I'm just not ok with that. So i need to get my goals back in order for therapy.
But folks nothing new to really report here. Everything health wise is still where it is. I'm thoroughly enjoying my treatment sabbatical. Its keeping me sane.
Until next time,
Annie P
Monday, April 23, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Hard Days
Morning all --
Firstly apologies for the fall off of the blog. Its been a busy, beautiful and hard time (ironic right?!?).
Anyway, before I post anything about the past couple of months, I wanted to put up a post on the current Path I've been on. Pause~ Its been a difficult time with cancer and everything happening at the same time. Play~ So anyway, I've recently found out that cancer is back and it has rocked me to the core. This time around I took another method and had the "life expectancy" conversation with my doctors about it. Really it was more of a "what are we facing moment." Well after much deliberation, I decided that I wasn't going to do anything.
Ok...let me explain. So the reason this decision made sense is because I am at zero. Let me define "zero."
Zero = no faith, strength, ability and/or physical capacity to fight something
Therefore, I decided I needed to rebuild in order to get back to a space where I could fight something as treacherous as cancer. So there we are. Now when telling family and friends no one was happy. But everyone tried to respect my choice. Pause~ The reasoning most came to was that its "[my] life" and I should go about it how I feel. Play~ Well then something miraculous happened, I started to LIVE! And with living came an instant euphoria of things getting better. And then my birthday came and it was amazing! I celebrated and saw and did things I couldn't do.
Fast forward to last night. I met up with two of my friends (one who is leaving NYC) and we got into a conversation about cancer and what I was doing about it. And all of a sudden I went back to a place of sadness. It was no fault to them but it made me realize again how simple my life has become.
Really folks, I know that we try to plan and think ahead but I don't. I'm planning to 42. That's my threshold. If I make it a day past that I will be ever so grateful. And its so weird having that conversation. Like yeah if I make it there I will be golden. Pause~ I'm guessing that's me becoming used to the idea of death and dying. Play~ But yes, that's where I am.
Unfortunately, I have to cut this off because I'm at work but TBC.
Annie P
Firstly apologies for the fall off of the blog. Its been a busy, beautiful and hard time (ironic right?!?).
Anyway, before I post anything about the past couple of months, I wanted to put up a post on the current Path I've been on. Pause~ Its been a difficult time with cancer and everything happening at the same time. Play~ So anyway, I've recently found out that cancer is back and it has rocked me to the core. This time around I took another method and had the "life expectancy" conversation with my doctors about it. Really it was more of a "what are we facing moment." Well after much deliberation, I decided that I wasn't going to do anything.
Ok...let me explain. So the reason this decision made sense is because I am at zero. Let me define "zero."
Zero = no faith, strength, ability and/or physical capacity to fight something
Therefore, I decided I needed to rebuild in order to get back to a space where I could fight something as treacherous as cancer. So there we are. Now when telling family and friends no one was happy. But everyone tried to respect my choice. Pause~ The reasoning most came to was that its "[my] life" and I should go about it how I feel. Play~ Well then something miraculous happened, I started to LIVE! And with living came an instant euphoria of things getting better. And then my birthday came and it was amazing! I celebrated and saw and did things I couldn't do.
Fast forward to last night. I met up with two of my friends (one who is leaving NYC) and we got into a conversation about cancer and what I was doing about it. And all of a sudden I went back to a place of sadness. It was no fault to them but it made me realize again how simple my life has become.
Really folks, I know that we try to plan and think ahead but I don't. I'm planning to 42. That's my threshold. If I make it a day past that I will be ever so grateful. And its so weird having that conversation. Like yeah if I make it there I will be golden. Pause~ I'm guessing that's me becoming used to the idea of death and dying. Play~ But yes, that's where I am.
Unfortunately, I have to cut this off because I'm at work but TBC.
Annie P
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