The man or the resume

Morning all! So last week was a trying one in that I was feeling lonely and just not up to par.

As with anything recently I have been kind of dealing with it. Which as most of you may know is not like me. So anyway I went to see Dr. M and we had a thorough conversation about my emotions and overall threshold. Well let's just say that conversation did not end well. I left feeling angry and low. Not because of what he said but because I thought my healing was further along and it actually had/has a long long way to go.

Well post that I went out with my girls aka pieces of my friend circle. Pause~ These women are amazing! They can and do make me feel 12 feet tall always. Play~ Well I brought up that there had been an idea that had been plaguing me. When falling "in love" who do I fall for...the man or the resume? Pause~ This all plays into the loneliness factor addresses above. Play~

See I went on a man sabbatical and its been great. I haven't really yearned for the comfort of a man BUT it's clear that my complete abstinence from men has not been the right one. So fast forward and I asked most of the winner at work and in the circle. And it was a shock to hear how many women said "the resume."

I'm not sure if I was shocked because of the admission or the fact that I was raised to love people. So it was odd to hear so many women say they would want to know "the man had a promising job" than if he was interesting and could teach you something.

So I brought this to my dad...and of course he called me a child of the sun. Pause~ HA! Play~ Not at all sure what that means but I guess it should explain. In the end, I'm proud to say I would live to know the man. But who knows if that's right. Ugh life is so hard some times.

Annie P

Icarus

So in Greek mythology Icarus is the son of the master craftsman Daedalus. The main story told about Icarus is his attempt to escape from Crete by means of wings that his father constructed from feathers and wax. He ignored instructions not to fly too close to the sun, and the melting wax caused him to fall into the sea where he drowned.

Now the reason I make note to Icarus is that I sort of fell like him today. Trapped, unhappy, lonely and wanting to escape. Pause~ By no means am I saying this is the meaning of the story but this is how I see it. Play~ Recently, I have been reading a great deal and getting my priorities in order (as per usual) and for the past two days a sense of loneliness ensued. So of course I called the person who knows me best and will give me the ultimate love and truth, father P. And in true dad form he gave me the advice I feel like I've been waiting to hear but to chicken to say. I am truly longing for something that I refuse to succumb to.

Now time for a little background. So I have had two dreams recently about weddings and me not making it and/or not being invited. And when I consulted my dad he told me "there is a commitment [I] am ignoring." So in true Annie P form I shared it with my girlfriends and of course we brainstormed but now this thought of a lost commitment is haunting me. So could that be the source of the loneliness? Who knows.

I want to believe that maybe I am missing some sort of man in my life or some companionship with a friend. But I honestly don't think it is. Maybe I have to sit in this emotion. For the most part, I think that I want some sort of "sign" and/or inspiration to wash over me. Who knows maybe it will come with all these April/May showers.

Sigh,
Annie P