So I have some explaining to do. In my quest to be a better writer I have been guest blogging for other sites and in fact ignored my own blog. So I apologize to you fine people (all 17 of you) that visit this blog when I post. Ok well on to the post!
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Any of you ever fall into a great love affair? Well I have recently. [No I am not in love] Over the past five months I have been engulfed in a true love affair with a man. Pause~ I had to specify because some bloggers will trick you and be like "with a..BLENDER" lol Play~ But yes I met said man, and we did not have an instant "click" moment. Rather it was a real smolder. We met, I wasn't too enthralled with him. He did impressive shit. I did impressive shit. Then did some unimpressive shit and I called him out on it. And here we are.
The funny thing about this love affair is the amount of pain that has come with it. Pause~ Not physical pain but just an uncomfortable pain. Follow me. Play~ In my current love affair we spend a great deal of time apart due to work demands. He travels and I travel. Pause~We both hate it but know its a form of advancement and a means of sustainability. Play~ There are no worries of infidelity (at least on my side) and there are no worries of either one leaving the other.
So the pain? Well it comes in the form of hard truths we have had to share with one another. Pause~ Due to the personal level I will only reveal mine since we are family. Play~ For instance, my lack of wanting marriage, health or staying in the United States forever. His were deep and hard to swallow as a woman. Though with every truth, its like one more knife stab to the heart. Weird part though, we both agree we sorta...kinda...like it. And agreed how refreshing it is to know that honesty can exist in a world of social circles, opinions, assholes, traveling, working, booze and instagram.
Now the tricky part with pain in any love affair (I dont care who you are) there are some things you try to hold sacred. Me personally, its my love of late night music videos, constant list making, cooking at midnight or that I refuse to buy groceries. Pause~ Dont ask. Play~ So knowing that there may be parts of him that he is keeping from me..well...hurts. Is it weird that I have this mild insecurity? Or that I want to know all post five months? Its such a funky painful place to be and personally I have not been here in a while.
Many friends have coined this as me "really liking him." I coin it as "a love affair that has physical perks and loads of interesting honesty." So now here we are, month five with a future of separation with spurts of different city romps and he made me make a solemn promise to keep all communications often and fluent. Pause~ I feel so extra-marital with our plans to meet up in diff cities. LOL Play~
In the end, I think that when this new "friendly" association with pain has become a revelation to me in some sort of weird way. And I think in a lot of ways he feels the same way leaving a mutual weirdness. So who knows where this can go. Maybe far...maybe it will end tomorrow. But its dope to know that I can still grow in another way.
Wishing you all lots of love affairs,
Annie P
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