Just....

Melancohly....One of those days where you have nothing to say and do not want to do anything. At work today and I realized yesterday that when you think everything is going well; something comes along to really mess with your head and your heart at the same time. Sometimes, I wonder if people think others are stupid or uneducated that they would not notice.

Photo below is by one of my colleagues in photgraphy. I can only wish that I could get on his level.

Lesson today: Dont be a shadow!

Ugh,

The Shadow of Annie P

Anger Is Easy

For love number four I think I will go with the phrase "Anger is Easy." Now I know you may be thinking that I am out of my mind because this is not a true "love." However, I beg to differ and will explain my reasoning as always.

So there is a GREAT artist by the name of Cbabi which is an acronym for 'Creative Black Artist Battling Ignorance.' He is known for his awesome caricature pictures that eventually grew to be on album covers and notable publications. However, there is one drawing that I have always kept very very close to me posted below.

This picture, affectionately named "Bluesman II" was presented to me at a showcase in DUMBO back when I was in high school. And the artist that presented it with his collection said this picture inspired him because it reminded him that his craft should be cherished and not pressured. And for some reason those words and remarkably this print have been in my wallet and with me always for over XX years.

Unfortunately, as much as I try to keep in mind that my craft is my gift, my love and my everything; some weeks (like this week) have been soooo trying! Not only has work been picking up [evaluation season] but the photography side has been daunting. For instance, I took over 300 shots the other day, uploaded them for my future showcase and of course with my luck the pictures are NO GOOD! All have an incredible shine that makes the four hours of shooting no good. Things like this make me ANGRY and not just regular ANGRY but like FLAMING ANGRY! So at that point of no return, I quickly slapped my laptop closed and went to bed.

Though the next day, as I woke up to meditate and do my morning rituals I began to laugh. And the first thing I said to myself in the mirror was "Girl anger is easy you need to feel and be hurt to move on." I couldn't believe that it was so easy for me to recognize my own childish behavior so quickly! It was one of those prolific moments where you realize that you are able to remedy your own self.

So I dedicate this post to Cbabi and that wonderful artist from XXXX year in my life. If not for wise words and some semblance of sanity I do not think I could have reached that moment.

Lesson: Anger is easy! Feel, hurt, resolve and move forth!

Until next week...keep dreaming!

A Calmer Girl & Her Cbabi Piece

Sleeping With the Enemy

So I had to take some time this weekend to decide whether this post was appropriate due to the readership. However, in my "quest for all things woman" I have decided that I would be cheating myself by not posting what I need to say. So on to love number three....Acceptance of the uncontrollable things!

Recently, I had been plagued with two "tragedies" of some sorts in my personal life on every conceivable level. I had problems with my significant other and a "best friend" that really shook me to the core. {Sidebar: One thing I hope my readers learn about me is that I always profess myself as being as awesome as the people that are in my life.} Therefore, when two of the most important people in my social bubble took a serious plunge to nowhere it made me withdraw. Of course, like any human I definitely went into a day long depression in which I didn't leave the bed, prayed, ATE and searched deep deep within to see what I may have contributed to both scenarios.

Now not to dwell on the past, but this had to be the lowest point in my twenty-somethings. I had never realized how my cavalier attitude could affect those around me. I have always been caring (etc.) but to an extent I adopted a "don't care" attitude that is contagious amongst the P. family members. We live by the "go straight to your jugular" creed; meaning, if you are too sensitive to hear the truth then we do not need to be in each others presence.

However, once the smoke cleared and I was able to get up on that Sunday morning...I realized:

- Yes I have my faults, shoot everyone does, but what I can NOT do is control other people's crazy!

So I present to you all the following photo.

*Titled: Brooklyn Landscape 7/2008



As unbelievable as this sounds, I remember this day clearly. It was a Saturday and I was walking to the bus. And while walking, I had a great moment where I realized that everything I was setting out to do was getting accomplished. And I looked down this one street, I began to shed tears and decided to snap the picture. As I consider this one of my first official shots as a "photographer" this picture brings me back to a time when I just KNEW what I wanted and how I wanted it! And when I ran across this yesterday, I knew that there are always things you can control. Like this picture. I could control the stance, direction and location; but the variables (traffic, wind, people, etc.) are ever changing. So I guess my key takeaway, is that there will always be variables and not everyone (whether intimate partner or best friend) will be in your corner.

Therefore I present:

Personal Plan #1: NO MORE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY! No more making excuses for those who wrong and/or hinder growth. We all need to get back to a place of clarity and take control.

So until next time lovebugs....

This Girl & Her Camera

The Layered Daughter

Just giving you a glimpse into my challenge today's topic focuses on my all time second love...Family & Friends

Some may think that the two do not or rather should not go hand in hand but they do for me everyday. I come from a good old regular family. I've had the pleasure and privilege to have both my mom and dad together and brothers and sisters to help guide me along the way. In addition to my wonderful family, I have been able to acquire wonderful people that I can call friends! However, for this post I want to focus on my dad, my Abba, the man that makes up half of my chromosomes. 

So the original AP is a very complicated man. He is a lover, father, brother, a community activist and very very smart man. He is a man that ALWAYS pushes you to higher heights. Never settle...always try hard, put your best foot forward kind of man. Now don't get this twisted, this man is not without his flaws BUT he has proven that with hard work and steadfast beliefs you can make amazing children. So in focusing on one of the #1 men in my life, I captured a great picture the other day that only seems fitting. 

*captured 9/2010 Upstate NY 

To the untrained eye...yes its just a flower but it represents so much more to me. I see this rose in a vase and notice that there are layers upon layers upon layers. Now not to sound cliche, I sat for almost FIVE WHOLE MINS staring at this flower. In doing that of course my significant other who we will name Carmichael came over and stopped my gaze. However, upon leaving this function I had to stop and take a picture. 

So as any lover of a craft I ran over to my dad and showed him the picture from the day and the only question that man had was...

"Why did you choose this as the one picture you took today?"

I know some of you may be thinking "why is he being so obtuse?" but really my dad is just like this flower. A great site (loving father, dedicated community activist) but as I have had the privilege to learn he is FULL of layers. He didnt want to just accept that this was a pretty bloom caught at the EXACT moment; but rather he wanted to understand what in my psyche made me choose such a thing. 

On that day, I realized that there are more things in me that I got from my dad than I knew. We ended up sitting at the dining room table (a usual conference place for all "serious" talks) and discussing the ins and outs of life and how the flower represents that for me. And when we were done all my dad had to say was "You are a f*cked up person....just like your dad."*

Overall Lesson: We, the children, are EXACT replicas of our parents (whether mother or father). What I have learned about myself through getting to know my dad in these past years is that we are not afraid to ask the hard questions. And now more than ever I find myself being gravitated to the people who push me the edge more than ever.

So I think I will end this post with a couple thank yous.

Thank you to...

1) My parents for showing me their imperfections and teaching me how to improve upon those

2) My friends...you know most days I hear "You are such a good friend" but really Im only as good as the people who are around me. You all push me to higher heights than I ever thought I could reach. 

So until next time...I promise to keep snapping photos and craving for something else.

Apricots & Mangos,

A Girl & Her Camera

*{Sidenote: There are two everyday languages that the P. family speaks: English and CUSS! We cuss A LOT; but never out of spite just as a way to stress importance. You will see a great deal of that in this blog}

Files OPEN!

As per my daily routine, I walk into work (well rather skulk into work) and sit down at my desk in my office and turn on the computer. Now to some that seems like a likely task; however, I usually line myself up with my online daily social networkie things that I do. And every morning there is one person I look forward to speaking to.

We sit on the gchat (our new form of socializing) and talk about everything from life, to love, to making sense, to business. And on Monday (11/7) she made me think of one thing:

- What does it mean to be a woman?

Now I know this topic seems vague and o-so cliche; however, until hearing her address me as such I never considered myself to be a "woman." You see I am one of those people who has let the West Indian effect* {*Definition: West Indian Effect: Coconut tales that haunt you for the rest of your life! take hold.}

So anyway as I was saying, the West Indian effect kicks in, in which I proclaim myself as a "young lady" NOT  a woman. However, when I was riding the Q train home (BIG UP FLATBUSH) from work I realized that I was a woman. I pay bills, live on my own, have my own business and a thriving career. Hmm woman maybe she's right. 

LEAP OF FAITH TIME: I am challenge myself to expose not only what truly makes me a woman BUT what makes me happiest along the way. 

So I wanted to start this off by showing you one of my true first loves:  PHOTOGRAPHY

Now I know what you must be thinking....OH GOSH ANOTHER PERSON WHO PICKED UP A DIGITAL CAMERA AND THINKS SHE CAN DO IT! 

But really...I LOVE this craft and Im ready to tell you how it happened. 

So when I was 11 years old, I got in a terrible car accident with my mom. Her little car got slammed from the drivers side by a yellow cab driver that fell asleep at the wheel. So long story short after months of recovery and missed school, my parents decided to get me a cheap camera to build some confidence. Well little did they know that this was the wrong thing to do. One week in school and I had acrued over $150 in film development. Needless to say, my mom wasnt too excited but my dad did the smart thing...developed it and then bogged me down with MOUNTAINS of books on photography.

So now fast forward to the digital camera creation....got my first Cybershot and couldnt control myself. I started shooting EVERYTHING! Im talking catching sweatbeeds off a bottle. And thinking "Oh Annie how beautiful a sight this is!" As any fanatic, my passion grew bigger and more expensive. Now I created a small "boutique" passion that I call "Annie P Photography." So marvel at one of my fav photos below.

Shot 10/2010 in Miami. FL during one of my all time favorite parties called "Red Eye."

















Its the lines and the contours and the overall beauty that draw me time and time again to this picture. Now even though, this causes some problems in my household (amongst the boo) I would LOVE to hang this up and keep it on the bookshelf as one of my favs.

In the end, this blog is really about my adventures and overall thoughts. I would love to get your feedback and also hear about the things you love! In the meantime, keep dreaming and loving your crafts whatever it may be

Peace!
A Girl & Her Camera