Therapy

So readers, I have begun going to see a therapist. Pause~ Note: I'm not clinically depressed or something crazy. Play~ The reason for going to see said therapist happened because I started seeing myself drifting away from the original Annie P.

When listing one of my "good" characteristics, the one thing I like to believe is that I am a caring individual. Pause~ I use caring because this is something I have heard others say about me. Play~ However, over the past year my genuine feelings/emotions have all drifted away. And in a nutshell, within the past 12 months I have become so detached that I can not get worked up or emotional about anything. Pause~ Most people I have told about this, have said that I should see it as a "blessing" BUT I know that its not. Play~

Whats crazy about this new trait of mine is that I didn't come to realize it until one of my old friends told me that she had noticed it for quite some time and was able to list examples. With the passing of my family member - I was very matter of fact about it. With the new development in my health - again no tears, just this is what it is. Pause~ By no means am I "ok" with either event but I did treat it as another symbolic shoe that has dropped. No emotion, no tears, just another day. Play~ So when she pointed this out to me and members of my family agreed; I decided it was time to get myself in order. So here we are, three intake sessions later, and four appointments and I have my own therapist.

Background on said therapist who we shall name Dr. M. He Pause~ By no stretch of the imagination did I EVER think I would be seen by a man! In my mind I always thought I would end up with an African American woman, a little older and married. So this was a shock. Play~ So he is around 30, FINE (yes I said FINE), very smart and an overall chill guy. My first session with him some time ago was awesome. He was able to call me out on my bullshit and basically make me talk about what was really going on. Pause~ Real shocker! I can be very surface with new people so first session in and he had me going. Play~

So as the weeks have passed, we have been having great sessions (even in my weak state) to discuss what is going on and address some new coping skills. Now I know you must be wondering why I am writing this post. Well, I really wanted to let you all know three things.

1. Annie P is on the road to ok! Some days are worse than others but I'm making it.
2. On this path to becoming a better person, I wanted to let you all in on the things that is helping me along 
    the way
3. The real reason why I haven't been blogging as much.

So on to reason three. The blog posts have halted because I have nothing to say. Pause~ Can you believe that? Play~ I never thought that when one becomes emotionally withdrawn the thoughts just stop. And consequently that's what happened to me. Therefore, as the feelings disappeared, I decided I couldn't possibly get on a blog and speak about things I love, or men I'm dating or even other relationships I'm cultivating. In my mind, a relationship, thought or sentence with no feeling is...well nothing.

So here we are, the continuation of a quest to discover all the things that I love!

Rebuilding,
Annie P