Dinner and Lost Again

So last night, I went to dinner with a great old friend of mine. For the purposes of this blog we will call him Smooth.

I've known Smooth since college. He is an amazing, intelligent, extremely wise and handsome man at the tender age of 23. And since Ive met him, we instantly clicked and became instant friends and confidants. Pause~ Most people would coin such a person as their "little brother" but I cant do that. Smooth is just to mature and on point to give such a title. Play~ So for the past weeks/months we have been trying to get together and catch up. And finally with my goals for 2012 to invest in my relationships, I pushed until we finally set a date. Now there were two main reasons that I wanted to see Smooth.

1) Because I am naturally a little worried about him. Pause~ By worry I don't mean anxiety for him. But more like I haven't heard anything and it worries me that he has taken on so much as a young age. Play~
2) To just get some insight on how he exists on his own.

See Smooth is one of those dudes who can just "be." He literally can be in his house, no TV on and just sit on the couch and kick it. Now for me this is like alien nature. I am always on the go. ALWAYS! There is never a moment where I sit and am just alone in my house or somewhere. So call me selfish but I wanted insight on that.

Well we sat together for about four hours just talking. And not only talking but Smooth was mentoring me! It was weirdest thing ever for the following reasons.

- I have always given Smooth advice
- Smooth is not a huge talker so its interesting when he starts going
- And Smooth (an introvert) was there telling me (the extrovert) how to be more about me

Totally weird! In the long run I left that dinner feeling great.
Fast forward to this morning....

I get up as per usual to get ready for work. And all of a sudden a wave of anxiety passes over me. and the same questions come. "How will I make it through this this time?" or "What will my daily motivation be?"
And all of a sudden I'm in a blur and then on the train and fighting back tears. I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know up from down..left from right...its just a feeling of being lost.

So my dad calls to check in on me and of course I'm like sounding a mess and he instantly tells me that I can pull it together. But really there was no pulling it together. There was no rationalization of these emotions. So as a refuge, I'm leaving work early today. I just HAVE to! Its one of those days where you know that you will be no good at anything. Not at being a friend, a sister, an employee or daughter.

Whats crazy about this is that its clear that I live in a world of extremes and am so cognizant of it. But alas I'm finally listening to the universe. Rest is needed.

Finding balance,
Annie P