Love Intolerancy

Well readers, today I am SICK! And not just like cold sick but sick sick. Pause~ Don't worry not the focus. Play ~ So as any sick person would do, I took the day off of work yesterday. And by day off I took a REAL day off. No blackberry, no logging in, no conference calls! However, while I was home thinking healthy thoughts, it ran across my mind that I may be love intolerant! -- Stick with me here.

So my definition of love intolerance is the following.

- Someone who is detached from their emotions and therefore, unable to really appreciate and/or respect the
   sanctity of a romantic love or relationship.

Pause~ Believe it or not that definition took me a whole two hours to come up with. Not because I'm slow or was distracted; BUT I wanted to give a loose definition to a phrase that kind of sums up my current romantic state. Play~

In the past year and a half, it has become clear that I can be considered a proverbial "man eater." I have had a series of romantic encounters (dates, relationships and sexual alike) that has not managed to turn into a fruitful long courtship. Now I agree, like any woman I may have had some "unrealistic" goals in mind (ie. wanting to be courted but no relationship attached or wanting a relationship without all the baggage). However, with the ending of Ruckfield it has become apparent that maybe the problem is not men its essentially me! Pause~ By no means am I putting myself down. But really, it can NOT always be the world! The world responds to what you put in it. So maybe I am putting out something wrong. Play~ Now I am forced into a realm of what can I do to turn this around. Of course, like any human I have no answers and really I don't think I am on the search for one. Maybe I need this "time" to make this thing called my life better.

Really though, I would be lying if I was to say that I am not sad/upset by this decision but really in the end I can not really sit idly by and think that ALL MEN are the problem. They can NOT all be bad. And I am beginning to believe that more and more as I interact with certain men.

See when I interact with a man - mainly the two I have met in this current mental state - I start to ask the questions that most women shy away from.

- What is your thought of a perfect sexual encounter?
- What happens tomorrow after you leave?
- How would you feel if I said my career means more to me than you ever will at this moment?

And really, the men I have asked all have the same reactions.

1) Shock
2) Cool
3) What ifs
4) Acceptance

Once the dust settles, they are the first to kind of get quiet and I usually say "Feels good not to have to sell me a dream huh?" Because really, don't sell me anything because although I am window shopping...I ain't buying it! There is nothing that a man can tell me that I want to hear. Pause~ Please excuse the shopping metaphor but you know what I'm getting at. Play~

So readers, I've decided to take my cancerous, no man having, career-focused, slight OCD having, photo taking ass to the backseat to watch the "show," learn and correct myself!

2012 is my rebuilding year! I hope you all are on the same track or better.

Love,
Annie P