I AM SENSITIVE DAMNIT

In the past weeks I have begun polls with my friends regarding some character traits. And let me say this...I have been VERY SHOCKED at the answers that have been provided to me.

This conversation originally started back in April when I went to visit some of my good friends in Tennessee. Pause~ I am so grateful for my college experience. I met so many new people and a handful have become some of my closest friends. Play~ So while in TN, we were at a friends house (::cough:: drinking ::cough::) and the conversation of "first impressions" came about. Now somewhere in the mix, a friend of mine we will call DarkDiamond stated that many people were shocked that her and I were friends freshman year. Pause~ Background on DD, she is an AWESOME person. Like up until meeting her never thought I meet someone that was honestly better than me. And I use the term "better" because it is the only word that really suites her personality and all around awesomeness. Play~ Now when she said it, I stopped and asked "Why would they say that?" And she said (in the nicest way possible) "Because people thought you weren't a nice person."

GASP...GASP...GASP... Then as I sat there, mouth wide open, the others in the room started to nod their heads in agreement. WELL...I...NEVER...

I couldn't believe it. Me...not nice? Hmm. So then I started to inquire about why. And the overall answer was that, my general attitude appeared as if I didn't want friends. Pause~ I was an 18 year old girl from Brooklyn, making friends has always been easy for me. BUT I wasn't like breaking down doors to be friends with people. I had the typical New Yorker mentality. Get where you need to go and get there on time. Play~ Due to my comedic demeanor, of course, the first reaction people had when I seemed "shocked" was to laugh. However, as they realized that I was taken aback they immediately started saying the good friend thing that you have to say.

Well post that, I started a quest to ask certain friends first impressions. And upon going out for my friend, SunChilds, birthday I started to inject the notion that I consider myself "sensitive." Pause~ By sensitive I mean, empathetic to people's plights. Play~ And again, we sat there and everyone started to giggle and immediately disagree. So now here I am, at a table with 10 people and they all are telling me I do not appear sensitive on first contact. Really?

Well so now I'm here and I just have nothing to say. I really thought my sensitive side was out and about! Who knew it didn't really show. I mean I am not trying to change that. Maybe that side of me is only meant for those who know me. Or maybe my sensitivity is something that should stay masked because kindness can be seen as a sign of weakness. Well for whatever reason, I am happy in my own skin. So eh...sue me!

Annie P

Do Men Call Women Anymore?

So last night while at work, I had a conversation with FM and it started off a little angry in that he was annoyed with me. Pause~ Can you believe that? Annoyed...with me? Annie P? Noooo Play~ And in speaking he asked me if I thought it was right that he always made the first call/text. And immediately my answer was, "I never thought about it. To be honest never even noticed that fact." Pause~ Not being mean just honest. Didn't notice that was what was going on. Play~ So we go back and forth on the issue for about fifteen minutes where he gets to speak about all of his "feelings/thoughts" and I get to respond. However, at the end of the conversation I was left with the question...

When did the tables turn? Is it not in a man's nature to court a woman in that way anymore?

Whats funny about the above questions, is that I already know the answers. I'm not shocked and/or amazed that he addressed me the way he did BUT I am shocked that the conversation regarding this matter lasted for FIFTEEN MINUTES. Pause~ Fifteen minutes is a LONG time. And its a long time because I spend 99.9% of my day on the phone and/or talking. So when I'm having a conversation for leisure, it usually is something I enjoy talking about OR something that wraps up quickly because the person on the other end knows that I am working. Play~ Call me shallow and/or mean but like stated in previous posts, my free/down time is precious to me. So in the end, I did apologize and state that I would make a concentrated effort to make those calls and speak to him more often. And upon hearing my apology, I could immediately tell that he was elated to know that I had ceremoniously "given in." Pause~ The new attitude took hold in the midst of that convo. I'm not arguing, I let him put his issue on the table, I listened and then conceded. No need to argue. Play~

Fast forward to this morning, I'm on the 6:32AM train to work and I began to think...Is my lack of phone communication indicative of my actual "like" for this man? So now sitting at my desk, Ive been forced to think about this for the past twenty-five minutes. And the conclusion I came to is...yes I do like him. I'm just not in the boot licking phase anymore. So hmm...where to go from here?

Annie P

All Hail Sinfully Sweet!!!!

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Day Two - New Attitude

So as a continuation to yesterday's post, today I'm breezing through. I'm not too concerned with anything just making the days come together. So love for today: People watching

For the past couple of days I have been sick. Pause~ I hate getting sick in the summer time. All zest for events/things/places manages to fade. Therefore, leaving me to build excitement from damn near zero. Play~ And in being sick you are forced to slow down and observe the people, things and actions that occur around you. Well for the past few days, I have seen the best and worst of it all. Pause~ People are funny. Play~ Not to say I am surprised, but its interesting when you are forced to recognize certain traits in people. What they coin as "real" and/or "authentic" starts to show as "maniacal" and/or "irrelevant." Pause~ The two traits identified at the end of that sentence are not "bad" traits per say BUT when they appear one begins to wonder how it was ignored all this time. Play~

However, the good that came was in speaking to Elizabeth Taylor yesterday. In speaking about the weekend's events, we came to the conclusion that being sick is not all that bad. You start to recognize where the work/life balance is. And sad to say, my work/life balance is waaaaaaayyyyyyy ooooooofffffffffffff. I didn't even notice! Well the real statement is, how could I have NOT noticed all this time?!

The typical Annie P Monday-Friday goes something like this.

5AM - Wake up for work
6AM - Arrive at work
9PM/9:30PM (on average) - Leave work
10PM - Home
11PM-1AM- Answer emails from home
1AM- Sleep

Now that's pretty damn drastic. Pause~ It can be hard for me to believe that there is THAT much work to be done. However, there is! Who knew. However, with every new position there is the good and the bad. Play~ And then to begin scheduling my other extra curricular activities, I would come to work at 6AM to leave by 6PM/7PM to get to the next venture. Pause~ Seems insane but you have to love what you do. Play~ So its become apparent that with becoming sick it had a great deal to do with lack of rest and not listening to my body. In bringing this back to the "love" for today, its time for me to start making sure that people understand my life. I am 100% committed BUT I also have career oriented goals that I must keep intact. Pause~ They never fell off; however, when trying to please the crowd you forget to please yourself. Check out the post from yesterday. Play~

In the end, I dedicated a full hour yesterday to map out everything in my life thus far. From work travel, to extra-curricular, to sleep needs, to free time. Pause~ I know it seems excessive, but that's what its come to. Acceptance that the day only consists of 24hrs and I have to be asleep for atleast 5-6 of those. Play~ And I think my admin and I devised a great plan! I will be sure to let you all know how this goes!

Mapped and planned!
Annie P

Everyone's Issues

So my weeks have been fleeting by lately and I haven't had time to blog much. No excuse no apologies...life happens and that's that. However, as I approach travel season for work, I have come to realize that lifestyle has become a problem. And its clear that I need to make sure that I make time to understand all the issues.

For everyone reference, below is a breakdown of what the word "issues" means at this present time.

1. Problem with time 
2. Miscommunication
3. Being on someones time 

Now my usual actions to either one of the three would be to argue until my point is heard and understood. And to further that, maybe throw in some "below the belt remarks;" however, at this point there is no need. In gaining a better understanding of people, its become apparent that people need to get out what is bothering them. No need for words back and forth, just listen and adhere. Pause~ I know it sounds like "giving up" and/or "whatever" but its neither of the two. In life you can not satisfy everyone. And when you try you lose. So here we are. New attitude in adaptation. Play~ 

In the end, I have always known that people can not be pleased with you 100% of the time. BUT in learning that lesson a long time ago, I never took the time to realize that the ceremonial "fight" is not worth it either. Pause~ If there was one thing I learned from arguing is that it puts you on edge and ruins your day. For what? All to recap the day with "I had a terrible day because I was fighting with [insert person]. SIKE! Play~ Anyway, no love for today I'm behind on that for now. But I hope you guys have a great day.

Retiring to my corner,

Annie P

Readers Thoughts

So throughout my challenge to myself, I realized today that I never asked you guys what you love! Pause~ I know how ludicrous is that?! Play~ So for today, I want to hear from you guys!

Below are three questions. Please choose one and leave me a short comment. Pause~ No pressure. It can be one word or a full paragraph. Nothing but safe space on this side. Play~

1) List something you love.
2) What is one goal you need/want to accomplish?
3) Have you ever been in love? Pause~ Just me being nosey. He he Play~

Ok so to break the ice I can start!

Name/Alias: Annie P

1) List something you love.

• Hmm...nothing material at this point. I will say the one thing I love at this point is my new found passion!   I have so much passion for things. Since the break up between "man" and myself I have been able to submerge myself into the things/thoughts that I had been suppressing. One example, this blog! So that's been a nice transition.

2) What is one goal you need/want to accomplish?

• One goal I NEED to accomplish is my move overseas. I have been speaking on this goal for years. First it began as a "joke." Then one day, I picked up a book on my destination and it dawned on me that I would LOVE to be there. Pause~ As "party-focused" as many of my peers think I am, I am actually a lover of culture and all things new! Play~ So starting seven months ago, I have become much more vocal about my move. I plan to go in five years. My plan is so intense that it has phases (1-4) and I have built a rigorous informational interview platform to get as much information as I will need to be successful. Many of my friends think I'm being "funny;" my sister, Elizabeth Taylor, seems to believe me (love her) and the parents just shrug it off. But I know I'm going to get there one way or another.

3) Have you ever been in love?

• Um yeah! I was in love for a long time with "man." Pause~ I know I speak about the bad a great deal in this blog. However, there was a great deal of good! Play~ We had great times, chats, dinners and relations (wink wink). But in the end, our love faded and we are now working on a new type of love, friendship. As of now, things are fresh but I am confident that one day in different spaces and places we can really be best friends. "Man" will always be the ying to my yang. Pause~ Not sad lover talk. Trust that ship has sailed and sank and become embedded into the earths crust. Play~

I'm all ears!!!

Annie P :)

Calculated Risks

So readers, on this Tuesday afternoon, I unfortunately do not have much to say. My life has been pretty mundane to say the least. I had a great/tiring weekend that consisted of work and more work but rewarding none the less. So love for today: Following your heart.

As stated in previous posts, I am involved in a great deal of business ventures. One in particular that is close to my heart is my own personal business. Pause~ Maybe I didn't mention this, but I have a client service business that allows me to help other small/new business owners get themselves out there. Play~ Since starting this venture, there has been plenty of ups and downs BUT I am lucky enough to say that there has been major ups!

So a little background on the Annie P biz. I came up with the idea when I met with one of my friends who was starting a tutoring company and needed some advice on fundraising and overall marketing. From there, we built a strategy, identified holes in business plan and other necessities to get it off the ground. Once we were in full swing, I felt like I was on a high. I was doing the two things I loved, strategy and execution. Pause~ Nothing was all cakes and sunshine. We definitely had heated discussions and long moments of silence. When mixing business and friendship you usually have loads of difficulty finding a happy medium. So post this, I learned to stress that this is business not friendship from here on out. Play~ In the end of the start up phase, my friend had a very visible business. She was able to infiltrate three community centers and get some private tutoring going on the side. Pause~ She's not making a million dollars but she is happy and knows that her business has the potential to grown once she can afford to expand. Play~ Well after that, she and two other friends of mine told me that I was unlike anything they had ever seen. I was happy, throwing the best ideas out and really passionate. Pause~ At the time I was in a job I hated. It paid the bills but overall was boring and not interesting. Play~ So after much thought and some short term business classes I started my venture.

Within the first year, I was fortunate to have gained a smart business partner and five PAYING clients. Pause~ Major goal for my small business of two people! Play~ What's even more weird is that as of now I am fielding requests for more businesses to submit RFPs to me. But anyway, I said all of this to say that in life there will always be things that you never think you can do until you push yourself to do it. Now true there will not always be a positive/great result but at least when the time comes you can say "yup I tried it and it was fill in the blank."

In all, I think that I had made an unstated promise to always do what I wanted to do. Of course think about the consequences, weigh the risks BUT always be true to the fact that when I want to do something just do it! And to be honest, I have applied this to every function in my life at this point. So I hope that all of you out there have been able to gain/bask in that same revelry.

Until next time,
Annie P

Everything Comes Full Circle

Good afternoon everyone! Glorious (cool) Thursday afternoon don't you think? Well to jump right in I'm going to give you all some bullet points as to how things have been on my side. Love: Everything comes full circle.

• Past: Yesterday, I had the "pleasure" of seeing my old boss (-__-) from my first job out of undergrad. Pause~ This was the atmosphere I referenced before where I was "pushed" out of that arena. Ha! Play~ Well we were riding a number train from Manhattan to Brooklyn, and she saw me standing in my very chic outfit and tapped me on the shoulder. Pause~ Ever been tapped by a white lady on the train? If not, I can tell you its very interesting because I turned with the stinkiest look ever. Play~ So we see each other and she comes in for an embrace and of course I grant it back. Pause~ Never liked her at all. She was underhanded and very sneaky. The entire company was that way which is why I was ecstatic when they asked me leave. UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS! Play~ In the midst of our "catch up" she stops to ask me if I am working and where. So of course I tell her, and she forms a look of "shock" on her face. So I asked her "Carrie is everything ok?" and she answers "Well yes, I'm surprised! I would have never thought you would have made it 'there.'" Pause~ WTF does "there" mean?! And this is what I was talking about. Play~ And on that note readers, I decided to bid my adieu and leave that damn train car cause I sure was about to smack her. Lesson: Things came back full circle because to her ass I was just another dumb employee that they had to let go. However, they never tried to harness my skills. So boo to them.
• Dating: Fine Man and I have been trying to make a rebound post that "snooping" scenario last week. Things are well but now I am waiting for the "boom to drop." Pause~ Ugh I hate being pessimistic. Its def not in my nature; however, something...something ain't all together there. Play~ So in awaiting the bad, I think that I am stalling a great deal of good that could be occurring. Not to say we would be exclusive and/or together BUT I'm sure there could be more dates, phone calls, text messages, etc. However, in speaking with a good guy friend of mine we shall call King Kev; he let me know that in making this man "wait" I am doing the same things that I tell him not to do. Funny right? Lesson: Taking my own advice is hard. But if I'm going to dish it I better be about it.
• Love: Yesterday on my dinner break, I was rummaging through my bag (what's new) and ran across a note I wrote to myself. Pause~ If you haven't caught on yet, I'm the master of hand written notes to myself. They usually start off with "YOU BETTER DO..." or "I'M TIRED OF FORGETTING.." So usually when I find them I have like an awe man moment. Play~ So on this note, I had a reminder to myself that stated the following: "YOU BETTER REMEMBER to slow the hell down dawg!" Whats crazy about that note, is that I didn't date it, put a deadline to where I should write it down again (as I do sometimes) but it was just there. Now although trivial and somewhat nonsensical, that note came right on time. I definitely started burning the candlestick on both ends between work, family and the other stuff. Pause~ This is where I know that God is a woman. Play~  Lesson: I need to just chill out. Things will get done, that last email will get sent, the phone call will be returned. All those things I stress about will get taken care of.

In the end, my bullet points are somewhat every where but its just how I've been feeling as of late. Feel free to drop a line to let me know your thoughts.

Annie P