Although I've posted for the day I had to enlighten those who do check this blog with the conversation I had today.
So for those who do not know, I am no longer in a relationship. Although sad and disappointed in the end of my almost 10 year courtship, there are many things that I have come to realize about me and my "status." But I digress...
Today I was on the phone with one of my suitors and he asked the question that I dread the most when starting to date someone:
"Why dont you have a boyfriend/fiance/husband? You're a great girl!"
When he asked this...I was taken aback. Not particularly because of what he said but because I had no answer. What does one say to that question? Uh cause the man didnt want me anymore so now I'm on the market again. Like I mean as a woman, I usually try to be understanding and open to anything said; but at that moment the only answer I could come to was "I dont know." After giving that answer, he politely said "well life's a game...I'm happy you decided to play again." But what does that even mean? Life's a game?! So where the hell have I been? At the side lines?
However in moving past that 45 minute conversation I think the answer is as follows.
I am not in a relationship because I am not supposed to be at this time. Had I settled for some of my past relations, I just might be miserable and married. Standing over a stove, crying, cooking dinner for my kids and wishing my husband paid as much attention to me as he does everything else. Or looking into the eyes of a man who doesn't make me happy wishing I had the courage to tell him. I know a few happily married people. I know a few people who are in relationships that they do not want to be in, but they are so caught up in what society says; they stay, grin and deal with it. I know people who are unhappily married, but front to the world everyday. However, I am not that person. In worrying about satifying some stereotype of society to be married and with kids, I lost sight of the fact that happiness starts with me.
In the end, as I'm sure I will be speaking with my suitor later...I will have to revisit that question. I dont know how I'm going to do it yet but there is something to be said when this lady doesnt have anything to say.
Well although this should have been a post for another day...I had to share to get some commentary on what you all thought.
Hmm,
Game player Annie P
I hate that question. Loathe that question. I feel like it's a... "what's wrong with you" question. As if someone's really gonna say, "I'm crazy as shit, that's why..."
ReplyDeleteI think some men think it's a compliment, but IMO, it's not. Half the time I wanna be like, "listen here... don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Be happy I'm single..."